I learned this morning that “The Wizard” is back in town from the ends of the earth. In other words, panic, anxiety, and a whole bloody hurricane of whiskey and mental instability just blew back in to these otherwise quiet grey cities. Of all things…of all peaople, all places, all times…dear God in Heaven, why come back now?!
“Awkward” doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel about my old…teacher? Friend? Priest? There will once again be no sleep or sobriety or peace for me tonight. Perhaps I will just lie low, send some false words through the underground that I’m no longer living here, I’ve ascended with the Anunnaki, I’m gone from this world…
And I was just beginning to enjoy the dullness this place has to offer…
That fucking madman.
Thirteen hour work day begins before the sun rises for me, and then a full three days of sleep deprivation, isolation, and creeping mental illness when we enter a cheap studio with limited time and limited patience. But here is my brief update: I quit one job, but still maintain 35+ hours/week enslaved at the book store. I am in a working bar band that has been gigging out 3 nights a week, and was drafted unexpectedly after one night out at the bar by some maniacs who up until a month ago I believed could not exist in this kind of town. I have been writing bass tracks and mangling lyrics and getting wasted at the altar of BLUES-DOOM in their pole barn. They are talented at what they do and are kind-hearted, but perhaps remind me a bit of the Manson family.
I spend my free time (late night/early morning hours) smoking cigarettes, drawing a few things, and re-reading The King In Yellow to keep myself too bloody terrified to sleep and waste precious hours. And now I’ve disgusted myself by pissing around on Tumblr when I should be forcing myself to sleep. Dreams and waking life have become too chaotic and abstract to mention in detail here for now, but maybe some day the full story might be worth sharing. Probably not.
Although I expect a frantic work schedule during the months I am not losing my hair or my mind in school, I’m not prepared with the mental enegy or fully rid of crippling anxiety to do my best and make all of these people, old and new, happy. I’m awkward and off-putting as hell…but then maybe on the brighter side of all of this…well we will see.
“I have looked upon all that the universe has to hold of horror, and even the skies of spring and the flowers of summer must ever afterward be poison to me.” — H.P. Lovecraft, Call of Cthulhu. (via hate-wizard)
(via johnvondoom)
Approaching storm on lake Motosu, 1922
(via portionsofeternity)
(via vargrimst)
(via skalbitches)
Apocalypse de Saint-Jean / Et le lia pour mille ans
Print made by Odilon Redon, 1899
The British Museum
Lee and Ava on the swamp trails.
(Source: abinferis)